Friday, May 13, 2016

Is Possessiveness Uncondionally Bad?



If you have read my previous posts, you might seem to get an idea that I am totally against possessiveness in relationships. But it isn't completely true. 

Say A and B are in love and A is possessive about B. The complete analysis is only keeping myself in B's shoes. Now what would I feel if I am B? Lose of freedom, feeling bad that A does not trust, Or If I am not worthy of trust then A should risk it to know whether the love is strong enough to survive etc etc. However, there is another school of thought which thinks differently.. In fact they feel good about the fact that their spouse/lover feels possessive. B is feeling good because of the attention he/she is getting. B is feeling good that A is surely in love and that is being expressed in a way of wanting B to be always together. It's nice to feel loved and it's nice when somebody wants you so badly (i e being possessed). As I told, this had not appealed to me so much.

But when I looked at myself in the past, it is not that I have hated possessiveness completely. I have liked when someone has felt possessive about me. So I kept thinking, what is my real take on that. So here I come with my new interpretation.

Plot a graph of "Feel good factor" felt by B (Y axis) Vs "possessiveness" of A ( X axis)

When there is little possessiveness, it is surely a feel good factor for B. I mean some feelings are meant to be expressed. Love being there is not enough, it needs to be expressed. One might know the love of the other person but our senses also needs feedback. The eyes need to see it and ears needs to hear it. So if all this is coming as a "bit" of possessiveness , it's ok. But if it keeps increasing, then you hit a point of diminishing returns where the expressions are redundant and has less value. If your partner keeps telling "love you" 100 times a day, you don't feel much. If it even continues further, then we hit the point of negative returns. It's starts to bite you. You feel choked and suffocated, lose of freedom and finally hate the other person for being so intrusive in your life.

So the feeling of being loved, wanted is nice but the feeling of being possessed??


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